Leukemia anyone?

I know the title may sound like a bad attempt at a joke, but that's where I'm at right now. Waiting to find out if I in fact have one of the many different types of Leukemia. I've also been told it could be a simple blood problem or bone marrow problem not associated with the L word, but the fact it's possible scares the hell out of me. I found all this to be possible this Tuesday when I went in for a follow up doctor visit, which was I assumed would be a quick wam bam thank you mam and out. Well the discussion of the prior week's blood draw didn't have all good things.

First, very quickly, let me brag on the fact that I have great cholesterol, and the word amazing was even used for a couple of the findings...

...but sadly not everything was good. I had a low WBC (white blood cell) count, and this had been something I'd had the last couple times. The doctor last time said he wasn't sure if it was worth looking into last time, but with it being low again he was immediately concerned. I can still remember when he was going to through the various causes and Leukemia first came up...and I'll be honest I don't think I heard anything else that doctor said the rest of the time I was in his office.

Now he did say he doesn't believe I have it, but he also hates to not tell patients all possible options or reasons and then it comes to be. So, this is where I am now. Awaiting a second blood draw results, this time done at the hospital and counted by a technician not a computer (how much would that suck!). I'll know results next Wednesday, but until then I just have to sit and wait. Wait to learn if my life is about to change or if I go on as I was.

I will say though, and here comes the silver lining, when you're faced with something like this being possible....it brings an amazing amount of clarity to one's life. I now see that no big deal if it takes a year of trying to lose weight to succeed...atleast I'd have that year. All the things that I still let bug me...don't seem nearly as pivotal as they once did. I hate how at times it takes such terrible things or the threat of terrible things to actually make us appreciate this life we've been given.

You know whether I find out something is wrong or I'm just abnormally normal, I'm going to try to not forget to appreciate life. Try not to turn so cold to the world around me, the time given and the people placed in my life. Try not to get in so much of a routine I'm just spinning my tires, digging deeper and deeper ruts.

I refuse to ignore all the silver linings!!!