Blood problems...again!

Well I've been through this before (posted about it here Leukemia anyone? ) and I'm now back on the issue. While my white blood cell count has been consistently low for 3 years now, and I've need peripheal smears in order to even reach the bottom of the "normal" range every year. This is due to the machine blood testing device (probably worth millions) can't identify my white blood cells right...hence the further testing which is done by a person and under a microscope.

Well 2 weeks ago I had my yearly blood draw and wouldn't you know same thing...white blood cells low and went to get the smear....well today was my follow up appointment. My doctor is awesome and he'd prepared me to know he was gonna sit down with the top hematology doctor in our area (if not the state) and discuss my blood results over the past years to see if further testing should be done as blood and especially white blood cell problems are huge signs of bad things potentially. My doctor spoke to me like a friend, possibly even a brother. He said he wouldn't feel right if this ended up being something and he didn't refer me to a blood specialist.

So I have an appointment to discuss more blood testing and blood problems with a hematology doctor hopefully next week if not Friday of this week (still in the process). Needless to say I'm worried but also know I'm in good hands and will know by the end of all this if I'm okay or not....the biggest thing that worries my doctor is that my baby white blood cell count was still low even after the second test.....

....now I play the waiting game, and test my trust in God. Here's to hopefully passing with flying colors!

Putting in a patio walkway Hillbilly Style'

Okay I could give you step by step details of how Hillbillies put in paver patio walkways, but I decided I'll keep the writing to a minimum. Let's just say the first step (can't picture this) is choosing the hottest day known to Indiana in decades, this past Saturday July 7 to do it on...103 degrees without heat index or anything!!!! WE WEREN'T TOO SMART...but then again we're Hillbillies and our drums beats out of tune and time.

Secondly ever good DIY walkway done hillbilly style needs the proper attire....jeans or camo shorts preferred with some kind of cut-off are preferred but you're really doing it Hillbilly style if you got a pair of these:

Duct-tape's true purpose: Broken sole of the shoe fixer-upper

A tamper like this:

A lot of these (plus water):

*Crazy (semi-awkward factoid) I drank over 20 bottles of water this day and never used the restroom...just another reason working in 100+ degree heat is probably not the smartest thing!

And on a side note, a true Hillbilly has a: "A/C shade-protector/garden hose mister-in order to hopefully get ancient A/C through the day so the wife doesn't kill someone" (these just like the tamper are not open for ordering until our patent pending designs are fully patented?!)

The garden hose mister is being held in place by a shepherd hook (flower basket thingy) which is in turn being held in place with a trailer spare tire....yeah that's how we roll!

If you have all those things above you can take this:

and transform it into this:

The darker color is due to the paver being wet from the cutting (sprayed while being cut)

I know it's a touch crooked just a hair (some have said they don't notice, and others they like it), and there are a couple shallow lower spots, but hey for the first attempt for both my Dad and I...we did a pretty good job right?!

And that my friends is how two Hillbillies put in a patio walkway....if you wanna know in greater detail how we did this and if there are anything we'd do differently (YES) just ask me....and no my Paver-Shoes are not up for borrowing haha!

Lord...we need your coming...

Does it make me old that I'm already experiencing that, "Lord, why don't you just come already?!" feeling at times? I had one of these moments the other day as I sat watching TV...well flipping through the channels one by one trying to fill the 10 minutes before a show came on I actually wanted to watch.

In a span of about 20 channels I saw the following; an inappropriate music video discrediting everything love truly is, a pregnant teen refusing to raise her baby, a news story on the corruption of high ranking bank officials, the massive civil wars going on over seas, the political campaign news for the 2012 election, adulterous sex, pre-marital sex, trial news on Sandusky's case, a murder story about a teenage girl killing her boyfriend, commercials for the coming Real World on MTV (worthless) and Chicago White Sox game (just kidding on that one).

Honestly I saw all those things and probably forgot a few in those mere minutes of channel surfing. Some were news stories, others commercials and others just regular tv shows. It's amazing how far from our intended purpose we as a human race have strayed from our Creator's hands. We are on a simply path to destruction and can't see it until we put away our iphones or ipads, stop chasing the dollars and begin to be a parent to the children we chose to have!

Lord,

We've gone so far from your designed plan. I'm afraid to admit it, but I've faultered and failed you in the same way the world has. I have strayed from your law for the simple and temporary fixes and highs of this life in various forms. Remind me once again that I am not of this world, for this world is not as you designed it to be anymore. Lord, give me the chances to show my faith and my love for you, and my respect for your calling upon my life. I'm not worthy to be anything of use, but if I can be of any assistance to this dark world use me. I'm nothing but a puddle of sin, but do what you may with it.

Lord, I pray for my community, my country and my world. It has lost all sight of You and your calling upon it. Be with all who are struggling, hurting or wandering farther from you. Put someone or something back into their life in hopes of coming back to you!

I ask all these things in your heavenly name, Amen.


*On a sidenote I pray all had an amazing Father's Day and you told your fathers how much you love them!

Lord, show me what you want me to be...

"Lord, show me what you want me to be..."

It's a question I probably gave a thousand hours of think time to each and every day in the past or atleast it seemed like it. While I still think daily how God might use me or what he might be testing my faith with, I no longer think I have to be something else other than what I am. Let me share with you my heart on this topic...

My whole life people have always said "Ty, you'd be good at (insert occupation)" and while I find that to be encouraging and at times humbling...it never seems to attract me in a way that I'm like, "Yeah, if I was doing that I'd feel complete."

Because really it's still an occupation, not a passion or something you choose to do. Any occupation you do in part, albeit it tiny for some, because you have to. You need the money it provides in order to take care of your family. Which is why sometimes the greatest things in our lives that we enjoy are our hobbies or activities we do without an inkling of "having to".

Now if I could do one of those hobbies or outside work activities for a living that would be awesome...right?! Wrong, slowly overtime it would become just another job...atleast that's how I see it. One which I would go to in part for the fact I have to in order to provide for myself, my wife and my future family. So why would I want to "ruin" a passion I have in the long run just for the short term pleasure of getting to do something I love and get paid for it?!

Those of you who know me, know my Lord is always at the forefront of everything I do...well or atleast I strive for that to be the case. I fail at times and will never pretend otherwise. I fail to keep Him at the forefront, but as I get older I've began to realize that life doesn't seem nearly as big or insurmountable if I keep Him first. It's rarely the most attractive thing to do or the first thing our flesh desires but in the end it gives the greatest award. Being a pastor is something many people have inserted in that sentence I shared earlier, "Ty, you'd be good at 'being a pastor' ". While I find that extremely humbling and I can't express how awesome that is that God obviously is using me enough for others to feel that way, however I don't feel God has called me to do that and I'll explain why.

I grew accustomed to nightly praying to God, "Show me what you want me to be, where you feel I should go with me life!?". If He told me to go and lead (be a pastor), I would go...likewise if he told me to do something else, I would follow that as well. I kept recieving the same message from Him as I searched for answers from Him, "Stay honest, stay humble and show my love to others". Frustrastion set in as I began to realize this answer was neither a yes or a no...so I prayed even harder thinking that would help me get closer to an answer.

He simple kept responding the same, "Stay honest, stay humble and show my love to others". I can still remember thinking maybe He just wants to test me to see if I can do that, and if I accomplish or pass the test He'd reveal the answer. Well I learned that no matter what I did in 'service' with the intent of gaining an answer out of it I seemed to actually be losing ground on understanding. (I was doing service for all the wrong reasons)

I can still remember the night I had that "daylight breaking through the night" moment. I was listening to music on random play and Background (click to listen) by Lecrae came on...one of my favorite songs ever to grace my ears, but for some reason this time I felt God was whispering the lyrics to me. I can remember closing my eyes and just listening, no questioning just pure listening. From the verses to the refrain I felt like God was honestly the one delivering the words to my ears. As a tear rolled down my cheek I can remember thinking, "Alright, I have no clue where to go but okay Lord." You see that song is about what a true Christian life should be like...playing the background to a play or show.

I think for so long I kept asking the Lord what He wanted me to do or be to make an impact in this world or lead others to make an impact...I was so confused. He doesn't call us to make an impact or give us the power to change lives...He gives us the chance to be an instrument or a tool that when used by His hands will change lives (including our own). I for so long asked how I can use myself for His glory, naively thinking I could have the power to make a change on my own so long as I "go where He calls me". I had fallen into the trap of thinking me asking it to be His will made me in some fashion worthy...but to truly ask His will to be done means I first needed to realize I'm unworthy of anything He pours out onto me...change can only happen when I take a backseat, or play the background in this scene called life.

My prayers shifted that night from "Lord, show me what you want me to be" to "Lord, here is this puddle of sin called Ty...do with it as you see fit". I'll admit by praying those words I was leaving the door wide open, I was no longer asking God to tell me what to be or do with my life...I was asking Him to take over my life in a way I'd only touched now and then. No longer was I asking him how I should use my life to make a Godly impact...I was asking Him to take my life, given to God, to make an impact in all aspects of my life! By doing this it was amazing the clarity and the peace I began to find in my Lord...no longer thinking or relying upon my own wisdom or power I truly began to feel like God was going to use me in a fashion like the words to hide and go seek, "Ready or not here I come".

For so long I figured in order to do God's work I had to be at a different place in my life. Either a different job, different location on this Earth or some greater understanding of why I am where I am. I was so naive in the fact that He can take any and use them as an instrument of change...if He decides it.  All we have to accept is we are un-worhty of the lead and can only play the background. 

So I must ask you, are you willing to play the background? It's not a comfy world to live in, playing the background that is...because you don't know where God is going to lead you, you just have to follow by staying honest, staying humble and sharing His love with others. There really isn't anything more than that involved in following God. So go ahead put on your tree costume and stand there in the background and let God take center stage; together we can help keep eachother honest, humble and sharing His love to others, by keeping ourselves in...the background.

Yo, I had a dream that I was captain of my soul
I was master of my fate, lost control, and then I sank
So I don't want to take the lead, 'cause I'm prone to make mistakes
All these folks who follow me, goin' end up in the wrong place
So just let me shadow you, just let me trace your lines
Matter of fact, just take my pen, here, you create my rhymes
'Cause if I do this by myself, I'm scared that I'll succeed
And no longer trust in You, 'cause I only trust in me
And see, that's how you end up headed to destruction
Paving a road to nowhere, pour your life out for nothin'
You pulled my card, I'm bluffin', You know what's in my hand
Me, I just roll and trust you, You cause the dice to land
I'm in control of nothing, follow You at any cost
Some call it sovereign will, all I know is you the boss
And man, I'm so at ease, I'm so content
I'll play the background, like it's an instrument

-Lecrae...Background

Church needs to remember...

Is it just me or does the church sometimes need to remember we can't take it with us when we're gone as well?

The mortar, wood, glass, cement and steel used to construct a church are just as immortal as our human bodies, the cars we drive or the houses we build....no?
A church should be built with love, grace, kindness and faith...which is poured out into it's community not into it's structure...

Praise God this day, for in the end nothing else matters.

Shouldn't we...

Shouldn't the church be inviting not intimidating?
Shouldn't Christians be warm and loving not cold and judging?
Shouldn't we be transparent not cloaked in hiding?
Shouldn't we desire God daily not just when it's fitting?
Shouldn't this be easy instead of hard?

God, we prove daily without you we are merely a lost soul whose better at pointing our black fingers at others then praying for your love...that is why I need you, I need you to lead me back into your light daily.

Thoughts on being who I'm called to be...

I'm not the man I was yesterday, not the man I'll be tomorrow
Yesterday's me is gone, today's for workin' toward the morrow
He's propping me up, as I stumble through this life
See I can't do it alone, no matter I can never cover the price
But he comes in and blows up my nights, erasing all night
Igniting within me the will to continue the fight
I'm climbin, I'm crawlin, I'm clawin
The man of my tomorows I'm slowly becomin

-Tyni