The Main Ingredient

The soybeans are beginning to change from their dark green shades to their pale yellowness. The acorns are beginning to fall to the forest floor and the velvet is shedding from the antlers of the bucks I'll be chasing come this fall.

This passion which is more commonly known as deer hunting, is something which consumes my thoughts on a daily basis. Yeah I'm that guy driving down the street and will think passing a small woodlot, "Man that would make a perfect spot for mature buck to spend his daytime hours undisturbed." Yes, I've been known to turn around to get another glimpse of a buck I saw creeping through the woods, despite the fact we're on our way to a family get together (believe it was Thanksgiving last time).

As I wait with anticipation for October 1st, opening day of deer season, I can't help but realize that amongst everything I utilize in my hunting one thing rises above the else which I have to give credit to for blessing me hopefully with a successful harvest(s).

 It's not the new stands I bought. It's not the upgraded bow sights, rest and quiver. It's not the new hunting clothes which allow me to stay on stand for more all day hunts. It's not a single thing I can buy, but I would give up my life savings and then some if it meant not losing it.

This pivotal ingredient to my hunting success is, my wife.

Yeah, you read that right. My biggest weapon and ingredient to being able to harvest the deer I do each year is the wife that God has blessed me with. Honestly, behind every married man's successful hunt lies an understanding wife. A wife that doesn't discourage this passion and obsession despite the fact she'll never understand why the need to use unscented detergent is crucial. Or how for months her husband will be showering in the wee hours of the morning, in scentless shampoo/soap of course, waking her no doubt with his claimed "quiet preparations." Also how one should simply know why the frozen deer urine has to be melted slowly in warm water in the sink. Or how he can go on and on and on after every hunt about how awesome it was that he saw a squirrel, one turkey and a possum which slept for 4 hours by his stand.

I know you hate don't understand any aspect of why I love hunting like I do hun, but know that I appreciate that you love it put up with it despite that. Know that no matter how much you don't want to hear about my hunting tales you truly are the one person I want to share them with the most at the end of each hunt, and I really do appreciate the fact you at minimum act like you're listening. The blessing of your love and willingness to allow me the time to devout to this love is something I do not take lightly, and is yet another reason why I brag about you to my friends and am perfectly happy ecstatic being able to call you my wife!

Love you babe!

fyi---In one of the coming weekends we will be taking a quick weekend trip just to show you how much I love that you love me and embrace allow hunting to be a huge part of my life.

I've been there....I promise I have.

As I sit here in my mancave at my "new"ly set up desk area, fresh off of cleaning up the whole downstairs and the upstairs due to guests coming over I found my thoughts floating to a place they often go.

Now I understand all of us at times wonder why? Why did life fall to us the way it did? Why am I the one that had that happen to me in high school and just the other day was affected by a new medical diagnosis? I understand that these and ones like them are questions we all ask, and I myself find myself asking at times. I've had many of these occasions in my life...and will sadly probably have more.

Like the time I sat in my car outside of church one morning holding an engagement ring which minutes prior had rested on the hand of the girl I'd asked to marry me and spend our lives together. (Love now that this never did occur!)

I can remember the night I debated if it was all worth it...and seriously entertained the idea that it wasn't.

Or the time I heard my grandpa had passed away in his sleep.

Then there was that time in high school when I realized I couldn't go on in a sport God blessed me with ability in. I just couldn't enjoy it anymore given circumstances out of my control...giving up D-I scholarship offers, which I never could find the courage to tell my parents about till years later due to all the time and money they'd invested in baseball over the years.

I also remember the minute...no the second that my aunt and mother of two very young children had lost her battle with cancer.

Or the time in our young marriage that I felt I'd all but thrown it away and ruined it. Lisa had every right to be upset and I had no one to blame but myself. An addiction had grew to the point it was on the verge of taking the very thing I loved the most, my newlywed wife Lisa.

I share all that to let you know I've been there. I've been to the bottom of the "barrel" as the expression states. Yes each of us have in our own ways. We wanna scream and shout "Why?!"

We are so hurt or distraught that we don't even realize the beauty and blessing which only those times can provide: peace.

Now I'm not talking a peace like put your guns away and say no to bullying type of peace. Nope. I'm talking about a peace which I will attempt to but in my opinion words cannot fully explain. I will merely state it is beyond compare. It is a peace which isn't felt, but at the same time you feel it. A peace which you can't experience, however once felt you want to share with others the experience you had. A peace which a quiet joy which at the same time is the loudest joy and happiness one can ever feel.

You see the one thing which all those occasions have in common is that the only thing that got me through is realizing I couldn't get through them. Nothing I did could. In one case it was the inability to see past the hurt someone had released on me, another was the pain of losing a family member I felt was unjustified and another yet was the despair I felt which had swallowed me whole.

But, it was at the moments of my deepest depths of despair and the acknowledgement of the fact I COULD DO NOTHING TO CHANGE...that was when He was. I can't say that this  was when He stepped in, because to be honest I know He was always right there...I just refused to see it, or couldn't due to the reasons excuses stated before. He was always there, ready and willing to take my hand...however it wasn't till I 100% realized I couldn't do anything that I saw Him ready to be there...He was merely waiting on me to stop refusing Him.

That is why I strive daily to realize I'm nothing special. I'm someone who deserves nothing, accomplishes nothing...if it isn't done with His hand in mine...for in the end I grew to know I, Tylan Miller am incapable of anything unless That hand is in mine.

Psalm 139: 8-10 If I go to the heavens, You are there: if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on wings of the dawn, you are there. If I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.

This is why I strive to be the man He can be proud of at the end of each day. I have yet to accomplish that perfect day but I'm never going to stop trying, for He deserves that and so much more. He deserves to have my life be all the proof people need of His love. I don't have to be great at quoting scripture or sharing the Gospel with words...I simply need to let my life be the proof. The proof that I've been there, I promise I have...and have come out the other side by nothing I did. 

Lord let Your grace rain down on all who read this...for they are your beloved.

I want to introduce you to someone very special...

There haven't been many times in my life where I've been as excited to key in words than for this write up right here, right now. With this post I get to express gratitude, admiration and respect for quite possibly my greatest friend God has blessed me with on this Earth outside of my wife.

Let me start from the beginning. The place was Middlebury, IN...the public library to be exact and it would have been sometime in the summer of 1991 or 1992 as I can't remember the exact age I was. We would meet in a summer workshop type thing where all I can remember is getting snacks and being read to by a sweet lady from the library. He and I hit it off quickly from what my mom tells me and instantly became good friends.

I guess in the coming years we would be bookends to each other and truly were together as much as we possibly could be. He shared the little league fields with me, summer swimming lessons and many an imaginary "battles" out in our yards during our elementary days.

As we progressed through our grade levels our friendship continued to grow to what some would consider brotherhood not just friendship. I knew he had my back and he knew I had his above all else. If it wasn't for him I probably would never had made it through the heartaches of dating, engagement breaking up and the dilemmas I faced in high school and college which at the time I felt were insurmountable.

He was there a few years back when I said "I do" to my lovely Lisa and is someone I go to when I feel I'm failing at being the man and husband God has called me to be. He never understands why I go to him, but if you knew him you'd understand. He's the type of guy you can't help but admire for his amazing relationship with God and how everything surrounds that. An example would be what he told me when he met his now wife April and how he knew that she was the one, "She loves God more than me Ty." That was always what he stated he was looking for in a future spouse to share this life with.

This man has since been blessed with two gorgeous daughters, and I'd be understating it if I said he is an amazing dad. He's the kind of dad which movies are made about. I can only pray that someday I am able to be the father he is to my future children.

That shouldn't be too hard though and actually I know I will be better...because you see my friend really isn't a father. As a matter of fact he's not even married. While we're at it I guess I should share that he was not able to make it to my wedding, and to be honest he didn't even send a card. He never was there for me in high school...and I have no idea if he even grew up in Middlebury.

Actually I do know he didn't, because the man I've shared about was actually ABORTED. He sadly never got a chance to meet me, be there for me. He never grew to be a brother to me, a father to his daughters and a loving husband to his wife. He never got a chance...and the sad truth is he never will. I don't know the circumstances of his abortion, but how I wish his mother would have considered giving him a chance.

So I apologize for wasting your time, sometimes I forget my friend actually doesn't exist. I'll be honest though, despite his non-existence he has taught me the importance of life and how it should be protected.

I pray I never forget the friend I didn't have.

Sad Feelings on the 4th of July...

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The title may have turned you off to this post, but it is the truth for me. This year I couldn't help but have a sad feeling down deep inside of me. While I have immense pride that I was blessed to have been brought into this world in one of the (if not the) most free countries there is there is also a growing sense of sadness sweeping through that pride.

Allow me to first disclose a few things:

I am so happy that I still live in a country which claims to allow freedom of speech, freedom to bear arms, freedom of religion and the pursuit of happiness. I cannot express to you the sense of pride when I think of all the women and men that fought to give me those rights, especially those who found themselves involved in true defense of the safety of the US (Revolutionary War, Civil War, WWI, WWII and to an extent the Afghanistan war on terror). These men and women deserve much more respect and honor than shall ever be given to them.

I am also happy that every Sunday morning I can get up and drive to my church which doesn't have to hide in a basement or sewer like some churches do across the world. I feel blessed to know that if God blesses me with children they too will experience this freedom. God and my relationship with Him is the #1 thing in my life above my wife, my family and myself; which is why I cannot express the value of this ability to freely follow and worship my Lord in my country.

I am also proud of the fact that although it seemingly is getting harder one can still pursue the idea of hard work will provide a better life. As I start a new job in the private sector with a partner I cannot help but feel excited at the possibility to build something amazingly successful if God would so choose to bless it...in some countries this dream wouldn't even be possible or even illegal to attempt.

I could go on and on about what makes me proud to live here in America, the United States, One Nation Under God...or is it? Perhaps the biggest sadness sweeping through to my core is the lack of God and family in America.


Galatians 6:7 describes how I feel when I think of the state of America:

^"7 Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap."

What are we as a nation sowing?

This nation was founded for many reasons, but it was a point by our founding fathers to make it very clear this would be One Nation Under God and that "In God We Trust" to be our way of life. Sadly though as we "progress" towards as some describe "modern" thinking we are leaving all which is of God and seeking to be that of which man is. 

The odd thing though is that over the history of this Earth man has proven just one mere thing 100% consistently: WE ARE GOOD AT FAILING. Look over history when you get a chance, some of the greatest highs of mankind were always followed by extreme lows and wickedness. Even in thriving "fiscal" cities we had slavery, debauchery and adultery rampant in both temples and courts. We have proven we fail friendships, relationships and where there are commitments and vows we find loopholes and annulments.  Even our own American history is riddled with failure; slavery, civil war and corruption.

However, for many years God was always on the American mind, money and way of life. He dictated to some extent how this country operated...but slowly God became less of a cornerstone and more of a gorgeous stain glass window in our lives. Something which was to be viewed for it's beauty and to reflect upon something which WAS gorgeous and HAD it's place at one time.

We are now choosing to attempt to put a human definition on marriage which just cannot be done. Marriage isn't a man given thing, God provided it and defined it. If marriage was a gift or idea granted by man, let man define it...however if we as a nation still claim any allegiance to God how can we let man define which He created?

Perhaps though that's the real issue, it's that God is falling faster out of America than  husbands and wives are falling out of marriage (which is ridiculously fast!) here in America. Is it sheer coincidence that the unraveling of God in America and the idea of what a family and marriage is coincides with some of the darkest things we find here? Have you seen the statistics for murderers and especially mass murderers that come from broken homes that have been split by divorce...the idea of marriage even beyond redefining as man and woman is also being shredded from it's intended purpose. 

Marriage isn't suppose to be two people positioning themselves better socially, fiscally or emotionally. It isn't designed to  show our status through the beauty of the other. It also isn't to be something we fall into because we have an "oops baby".

Marriage was designed for us to have on Earth what we have in heaven. A relationship of love and support which should be the best example we humans can produce of how God's love is for us. It's not about two people trying to make it through this life, IT'S ABOUT TWO PEOPLE TRYING TO MAKE IT TO ETERNAL LIFE.

Maybe that is all we need here in America. Maybe instead of focusing on whether I can carry a 9mm on my hip or share my thoughts freely or even be able to afford health insurance....maybe we should focus on simply bringing God back into the forefront. Maybe we should lift Him up and out of that stained glass window, put there for our viewing and re-establish Him as a cornerstone in our Nation...one which without would surely crumble.

That's what I desire more than anything. Not for me, not for my family, not for my community but for my United States of America which I pray will turn back to being One Nation Under God.

It's Official

I'm applying for Survivor. It's been a dream ever since I watch the very first episode all the way back in 2000 when the ever naked Richard Hatch won it. It's something I've always said I'd do, but have never actually taken the plunge and done the paperwork and the video part of the submission. Partly due to excuses like "I don't have time to just take a month away" or "Lisa would kill me if I was gone that long!" but mostly this is why, "THEY'LL NEVER CHOOSE ME".

It's true, there is no real reason why they should choose me over countless others...but as I always say, the worst thing that could happen is nothing.

So with that in mind, I'm doing it. I'm filing for a passport (something you must have at minimum started). I'm making my 3 minute video. Last but not least I'm doing the paperwork and sending it in. No more will I sit and think about how great it'd be on Survivor...now I'll at least know I have a "chance" albeit it very miniscule.

So...let the process begin!

It wasn't for me...

...it was all about my kids, my wife and my family. That, and nothing else is what has driven me to get healthier. *Before anyone says it yes I don't have any kids yet...but I will someday (NO LISA ISN'T PREGNANT!)

Yeah, initially I struggled with the weight loss due to my own selfish motivations of "looking" better physically, but honestly the most change has occurred when I used my "kids", my wife and my family as my motivation to be healthier. Healthier isn't necessarily skinnier, but in my case I had let myself go so much to get healthier I was naturally gonna shed weight...and boy did I ever!

January 2012- 255 POUNDS...and miserable. I wasn't happy, sure I acted like the go lucky fun joker I always was but was anything but happy with what I was.

Late 2011 just before the 255 pounds

January 2013- 217 POUNDS...I had done well the summer of 2012, but un-able to keep the course on minimizing my food intake just kept the weight coming back on.

Christmas 2012, just prior to the official 217 pound weigh in.

April 5th 2013- 184 POUNDS...This was when I truly switched my mindset from losing weight for personal reasons and just desiring to be healthier and feel better! I went from just portion control, calorie analyzing and tedious exercise to simply being healthier.

Taken just last weekend...picture with our God-son Bennie!!!

Gone are the days of processed foods. Only organic, natural in nature occurring foods...and as raw as ultimately possible. Just a mere week eating like this (no more dairy, red meat limited big time) and I felt lighter and more empty on my insides than I EVER HAVE!

It did help that this time period corresponded with lent as I did a progressive lent which saw me give up coffee, pop, red meat and bread...helped to stay the course due to the religious side of things.

I now don't drink any dairy products, only almond, soy or coconut milk for me. AND I USED TO BE A MILK ADDICT....EASILY COULD DRINK A GALLON A DAY IF IT WAS THERE. No cheeses or VERY little if at a restaurant or friend's house. Bread is really non-existent in my diet, but I would do healthy breads well before a huge steak or dairy due to how our body processes/digests them. Bread truly isn't missed due to it's a filler that took up too much space and while I don't watch calories I don't feel bad eating 3 or 4 heaping tacos (veggie or some chicken mixed in sometimes) using romain/kale or other greens as the tortilla as I would if still using 120+ calorie tortilla shells!

I DO NOT PAY ATTENTION TO CARBS/SUGARS and am just conscious of not over doing the fats in seeds/nuts. If it's natural I eat it.

MOST IMPORTANTLY IF HUNGRY I EAT...ANYTIME...ANYWHERE...AS LONG AS IT'S A FRUIT OR A VEGETABLE. 

As a fan of eating this is the best part of being healthier!

**Also no worries hunting buddies...I love meat too much to give it up, I will just be a lot smarter with it and probably not keep all the deer I harvest. Gifting some of the meat to relatives and friends who can use the meat. Hunting is way to spiritual for me to give up and will eat the meat before letting it go to waste for sure!

So if you're tempted to try and lose weight or get skinny again...first get to the point you're doing it to be healthier...the other things will follow suit!

I know because I decided to be healthier I have no doubt that unless something unforeseen occurs I will make many many more memories with my kids, my wife and family I may have missed out on by staying or getting more unhealthy!  <--and that my friends is true motivation!

Blessings...

Yesterday was Easter...today is...

...what you choose to make it. I don't say that as a way to show that we as humans have the ability or the power to choose how things in our lives operate, but that it is our conscious decision as to where we place our faith and hope in.

It's true so many place their hope in themselves and their abilities...and while self-confidence is good one must never forget there is only one thing that mankind has proven we cannot do: We cannot be perfect, and have proven to be 100% capable of failure.

We strive to be a better man or woman, we desire it at times more than anything...but fail.

We hope to break the addictions that plague us only to give in one evening out with friends at the bar or alone in front of the computer screen.

We fail.

We make a plan for success in our jobs, work harder and stay later only to realize while we may have stepped up the corporate ladder our home and family was burnt to the ground.

We fail.

As a father you've sworn to always protect our sons and daughters from hurt, but we cannot protect them from everything...we cannot protect them from that first broken heart, or first lost pet...

We fail.

As a spouse we promise to always love, honor, serve and care for the other...ALWAYS...

We fail.

I don't say all this to make it sound like it's hopeless or that we should simply give up...as a matter of fact quite the opposite. This should make us realize we need God more than we perhaps ever realized. God designed us to be perfect, but it was pride and selfishness that made us fall from that perfect mold. After that fall we've seemed to continue to struggle with the idea "I can" and "I must" and "This time around I..." instead of requesting God help us and view our walk more as a "We can" and a "We must".

God not only provides that second part to the we statements, but he also provides other broken and failing people to help, encourage and love you through things. Only by His grace and love can we at times accomplish the ability to succeed in conquering our addictions, loving our spouse unconditionally and becoming a better father or mother. ONLY by Him.

He never failed, is failing or will fail.

He doesn't stop there though, not only does He assist us in our day to day walks; He also has cleared a path for us once this life is over. For you see, the day before yesterday we deserved to die...but because of yesterday we have been granted eternal life. Thanks to Him giving and sacrificing is only Son we cannot be held by death any longer.

So Yesterday was Easter...today is...either going to be an "I" day or a "We" day; that choice is entirely up to you.

HERE for source of picture