I've been there....I promise I have.

As I sit here in my mancave at my "new"ly set up desk area, fresh off of cleaning up the whole downstairs and the upstairs due to guests coming over I found my thoughts floating to a place they often go.

Now I understand all of us at times wonder why? Why did life fall to us the way it did? Why am I the one that had that happen to me in high school and just the other day was affected by a new medical diagnosis? I understand that these and ones like them are questions we all ask, and I myself find myself asking at times. I've had many of these occasions in my life...and will sadly probably have more.

Like the time I sat in my car outside of church one morning holding an engagement ring which minutes prior had rested on the hand of the girl I'd asked to marry me and spend our lives together. (Love now that this never did occur!)

I can remember the night I debated if it was all worth it...and seriously entertained the idea that it wasn't.

Or the time I heard my grandpa had passed away in his sleep.

Then there was that time in high school when I realized I couldn't go on in a sport God blessed me with ability in. I just couldn't enjoy it anymore given circumstances out of my control...giving up D-I scholarship offers, which I never could find the courage to tell my parents about till years later due to all the time and money they'd invested in baseball over the years.

I also remember the minute...no the second that my aunt and mother of two very young children had lost her battle with cancer.

Or the time in our young marriage that I felt I'd all but thrown it away and ruined it. Lisa had every right to be upset and I had no one to blame but myself. An addiction had grew to the point it was on the verge of taking the very thing I loved the most, my newlywed wife Lisa.

I share all that to let you know I've been there. I've been to the bottom of the "barrel" as the expression states. Yes each of us have in our own ways. We wanna scream and shout "Why?!"

We are so hurt or distraught that we don't even realize the beauty and blessing which only those times can provide: peace.

Now I'm not talking a peace like put your guns away and say no to bullying type of peace. Nope. I'm talking about a peace which I will attempt to but in my opinion words cannot fully explain. I will merely state it is beyond compare. It is a peace which isn't felt, but at the same time you feel it. A peace which you can't experience, however once felt you want to share with others the experience you had. A peace which a quiet joy which at the same time is the loudest joy and happiness one can ever feel.

You see the one thing which all those occasions have in common is that the only thing that got me through is realizing I couldn't get through them. Nothing I did could. In one case it was the inability to see past the hurt someone had released on me, another was the pain of losing a family member I felt was unjustified and another yet was the despair I felt which had swallowed me whole.

But, it was at the moments of my deepest depths of despair and the acknowledgement of the fact I COULD DO NOTHING TO CHANGE...that was when He was. I can't say that this  was when He stepped in, because to be honest I know He was always right there...I just refused to see it, or couldn't due to the reasons excuses stated before. He was always there, ready and willing to take my hand...however it wasn't till I 100% realized I couldn't do anything that I saw Him ready to be there...He was merely waiting on me to stop refusing Him.

That is why I strive daily to realize I'm nothing special. I'm someone who deserves nothing, accomplishes nothing...if it isn't done with His hand in mine...for in the end I grew to know I, Tylan Miller am incapable of anything unless That hand is in mine.

Psalm 139: 8-10 If I go to the heavens, You are there: if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on wings of the dawn, you are there. If I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.

This is why I strive to be the man He can be proud of at the end of each day. I have yet to accomplish that perfect day but I'm never going to stop trying, for He deserves that and so much more. He deserves to have my life be all the proof people need of His love. I don't have to be great at quoting scripture or sharing the Gospel with words...I simply need to let my life be the proof. The proof that I've been there, I promise I have...and have come out the other side by nothing I did. 

Lord let Your grace rain down on all who read this...for they are your beloved.