If there is one thing I've learned to embrace is the fact I'm never going to be thought kindly of by everyone in my life. That fact used to eat at me, I'm talking stomach aches and near vomiting nauseous feeling taking over my body when I knew someone thought ill of me.
I think to an extent this is true of all of us, because in the end no matter what we say or do we desire to be accepted. Accepted for who we are and what we believe. However, let me break some possibly ground shattering news for you, that will never be accomplished 100% of the time for we are human. No human is without sin on this Earth these days and due to that there will always be disagreements or arguments between opposing viewpoints or lifestyles. At times people will have very ill opinions of your beliefs, thoughts or actions...the quicker you realize this the better off you will be.
And yes, sadly it doesn't matter if you are the kindest, nicest person in the world who goes out of their way to help every single person you meet (and just to be clear that is not me I'm describing by a long shot!). Someone is going to call you a self-righteous jerk or that you suffer from holier than thou syndrome, it doesn't matter even sometimes how much thought you put into trying to not appear as such in an attempt to truly be just as you feel you should be.
The question is when presented with those instances where people are feeling you are being self-righteous or similar how will you respond? Obviously being nice or speaking respectfully to these people may just cause the thought to grow...but if you get defensive you prove their point that it is a facade or fake front you put on to appear better than you really are.
This is perhaps the biggest thing I struggle with...and continue to. I am the first to admit I claim to live by a black and white motto when it comes to right and wrong...I don't try to live in a gray area or even pretend that one exists. This means that many a time I find myself confronted with discussions or times where disagreement arises due to my thoughts or actions which I feel are right to feel or do.
As an example of this is very recent and still fresh on my mind. After years of suspecting illegal hunting occurring on ground which borders a property we hunt, the landowner and us both wanted to do what we could to see if our suspicions were right or not. You see the neighboring property is owned by the state and is a nature preserve...one which ZERO hunting of any kind can occur on. Meaning you can't even take a weapon of any kind (bow or firearm) with you onto this property, and if you do go on it you are to not remove even a stick or rock from it...well with many instances where suspected trespassing onto it and hunting occurred we began reaching out to the DNR requesting guidance in what we were and weren't allowed to do in order to attempt to catch the suspected activity.
I will withhold the details to save space but long story short after discussions with the DNR and legally proceeding accordingly we captured someone on multiple occasions hunting the property this year (bow in hand, arrow nocked and ready to rock) walking in well before dark than after dark fell. Obviously this was 100% illegal so in accordance with what we stated we would do, we informed the DNR of the pictures and proceeded to attempt identifying the person.
This is where it turns dicey...as more and more people find out what is happening some began stating that I'm the one with the problem. That I suffer from holier than thou syndrome and merely did this as an attempt yet again to prove I'm better than everyone else.
Not gonna lie when these thoughts, either stated bluntly or implied with politician sounding statements, began to occur it hit me like a ton of bricks right to the gut. Here I had done everything I could to ensure the integrity of the hunting laws were being upheld and wrong do'ers would be caught and stopped. Something which I felt obligated to do as a sportsman, I couldn't just turn a blind eye because in my opinion that would make me just as bad as those committing the crimes. But not everyone saw it as such, some saw it as someone trying to make others look bad and me look good.
I instantly started making apologies or going into a shell due to these thoughts coming my way....only to have God remind me of whom I am.
I am not here to care about what anyone thinks to the extent it consumes me...the only opinion that should go to the level of consumption is that of God's.
You see where I went wrong was allowing others to begin crafting my thoughts or feelings I had for myself. I began to let them craft me into the man they saw me as, not as the man God sees me as and desires me to be.
It is that man which I should strive to be more like...and to put it simply that isn't going to always mean others will agree or like it. There is nothing wrong with stating "I'm sorry you disagree or what I did made you annoyed, mad or upset; but I am not sorry for what I did or said." Now there is also times were we state things in a way God wouldn't be proud of and apologies for our words or actions which didn't show love or understanding must occur as well...but an apology for your belief or actions that are Godly and just, should never feel needed.
At that point we must accept the fact that others may or may not appreciate that stance...just pray for them, pray for you and pray for the situation...there is nothing more you can do AND THAT IS OKAY.
It is realizing this that has made me see more and more each day that the more transparent I become about who I am and what I believe and why I strive to do right in EVERYTHING in my life the more struggles I will have. Because attempting such is amazingly daunting...I mean I struggle everyday trying to be the man I'm describing and fail. I am so far from being the man I want to be, however I also refuse to coast or accept that fact...
I choose to fight
I choose to try to be more
and if that offends some along the way I truly am sorry you feel that way...but I accept that this might happen.
